I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My cat gives me a boner
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
