Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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