oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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