were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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