I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
