i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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