Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
