omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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