ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
