Buhtt sex?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
