I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You may now shotgun with the bride
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
