The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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