Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is