It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument