Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
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My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
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He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.