hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
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I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.