Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
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I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.