Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
