I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
