your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
