Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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