i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
