i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
