I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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