WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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