As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
