I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
