My Higher Power is John Stamos
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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