if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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