Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
