i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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