Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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