And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
