I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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