What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
