Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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