I never want to see another naked old woman again.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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