It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Fuck appropriateness.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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