he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
