Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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