sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
