Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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