Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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