I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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