i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize