i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I had to cum in my sink.
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