I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
