Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
