Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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