Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
