Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
