well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
