Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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