you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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