Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
