Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
honey bunches of taint.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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