god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
