brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i believe in u and ur pee
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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