My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
