you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
How naked do you want me to be?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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