You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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