you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
