so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
