I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
