so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
