Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
