so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
