Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
