What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We need to rekindle our bromance
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
