drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
