Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
