how can u be prego again
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
FUCK WHALES
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize