I didn't shave. On purpose
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
