mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
