listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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