wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
don't judge my taste in strippers
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
