I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
