I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
