we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
