I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I came so hard my ears popped.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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