he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
