Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
